GETTING THERE
LAN Airlines has finished remodeling its entire fleet of Boeing 767 aircraft -- even Economy class features a full entertainment system with individual screens, music and movies and complimentary wine and meal service and the experience is accented by down comforters and noise canceling headphones.

The airlines' Premium Business Class offers full-flat seats that recline at a full 180 degrees so you can sleep your way to Buenos Aires after enjoying a wine list compiled by South America’s only master sommelier, Hector Vergara.

LAN offers service out of NY (JFK), Los Angeles (LAX) and Miami (MIA) and connecting service within Argentina.

DE LA CRUISE
If you think you’re getting cruised on the street, the man is probably straight and vain: He’s just interested in how your outfit hangs together. If a man glances at you and then looks away, it probably means he’s gay.

TANGO AND ASS
Argentines are almost obsessively sexual. Buenos Aires has more than 100 “love hotels” called telos, which rent rooms by the hour for assignations. Tango is the perfect complement to the telo. Gay clubs across the city hold milongas gay -- gay tango nights. During one, a wiry Dali-mustachioed giant leads a girly boy in sequined ruby slippers. Elegant old lesbians with hair swept up glide across the floor.

La Marshall offers milongas gay on Wednesdays at Maipú and Saturdays at its Rivadavia location from 11 p.m. till late. Maipú 444, Rivadavia 1392; +54-011-4912-9043; LaMarshall.com.ar

A COPPOLA ROOMS
Cineast? Check. Viticulturist? Check. Hotelier? Check. Francis Ford Coppola’s ever-expanding orbit of side projects now includes Jardin Escondido (pictured above). The refurbished house has multiple bedrooms, terraces, gardens, balconies, art collected by Coppola, a heated pool, and an Argentine parrilla (grill). Heavy on the skin rugs and antique masks, the property’s interiors were designed by Coppola’s wife, Eleanor. Three staff members and a concierge provide services an A-list Hollywood director wouldn’t live without. Rooms start at $550 a night, three-night minimum. Gorriti 4746; (800) 746-3743; CoppolaJardinEscondido.com

Located in the heart of San Telmo, Mansión Vitraux, a 12-room boutique hotel, is just a few steps from the city’s legendary Sunday street market, and it’s surrounded by antique shops packed with reasonably priced treasures. Every element engenders calm, a necessary balance to the raucous B.A. nights: the candlelit swimming pool in the full-service spa, self-effacing but effective staff, a gourmet farm-to-table restaurant, and a wine bar with a deep list of Argentine vintages. Carlos Calvo 369, +54-011-4300-6886; MansionVitraux.com

Like Axel’s Madrid and Berlin outposts, Axel Buenos Aires has a decent restaurant and friendly staff (uniform T-shirts read HETEROFRIENDLY), but the place is really built for sex. Done in spare glass and concrete, with the occasional brightly colored lacquered surface (furnishings are by Eames, van der Rohe, Eileen Gray), the centerpiece of each room is a transparent shower stall. The top floor of the hotel atrium is a glass-bottomed pool, which means you can walk into the lobby, throw your head back, and get an eyeful of Speedo—unless, that is, the swimmers are getting to know one another in the hot tubs, steam room, and sauna upstairs. Venezuela 649; +54-11-4136-9393; AxelHotels.com/buenosaires

GETTING AROUND
Out and About
Pick up a copy of Gmaps 360, founded by Pablo de Luca and Gustavo Noguera, for information on local restaurants, spots, shops and hotels.
www.Gmaps360.com

City Tours
Fabian Fuentes, fluent in English, Spanish and German, can show you around town with one of his customized tour.
www.misterpapi.com.ar

To read about Cumbio, the 17-year-old heiress to Eva Peron's throne, click here.